Phillip? Morris? You Owe Me New Towels.


It occurred to me last night, in the middle of my cob of corn and soydog-in-a-blanket, that I love my apartment. I don’t often find much to praise, but I have to say that my current living situation really rocks out; a roommate who doesn’t bug the shit out of me, quiet neighbors (for the […]

September 27, 2006

Hello, Limbo


Time: Last nightPlace: My apartment, the couch, flipping through channels AUNT SOOZ: Oh, look, it’s War of the Worlds. Again. ME: Ten HBO channels, only one thing on. AS: I watched a little of it this morning, too. ME: Are we watching it now? AS: No, I just want to see where the church splits […]

September 21, 2006

Like a Victim, Punk’d for the Very First Time


At ten o’clock last night I snuggled into my bed, exhausted, belly full of delicious pumpkin pancakes making me contentedly sleepy. I give the channels a last flip-through, and stop a few minutes into a new show on NBC. I realize what it is, because I had read about it, so I decided just to […]

September 19, 2006

All This, and Childbirth Too


Ugh. I can’t do anything today. I just feel all blah and can’t get it up to do work, nor goof off. And when you’re too bored to reread Gilmore Girls recaps, you’re pretty damn bored. I have work I could be doing, but I keep vetoing everything I come across: “No. No. I’ll do […]

September 14, 2006

Dogside Manner


Scene: Vet’s OfficePlayers: Beedoo, Beedoo’s Very Sad Dog, (Insensitive Excuse for a) Vet VET: Wait—didn’t I just see your dog? BEEDOO: Yeah, last Saturday. She had her checkup, she was fine, I took her home, I gave her a bath, and now she won’t stop scratching. There are all these clumps— (gently pulls a chunk […]

September 12, 2006

Project Runway: Again, Yes, I Know. Shut Up


So here we are again, as Aaron Neville says. I’ve decided to embrace it, in much the same way students will insist they’ll quit smoking “as soon as the semester’s over”. So, once this season’s through… Jesus H, who am I kidding? I’ll be watching this show as long as they broadcast it, which will […]

September 7, 2006

Smoky Mountains II: Cabin Fever


My mother shook me awake at 6:30 the next morning so that I could fulfill my vow to see the sunrise over the mountains, an epoch of my life I aptly rename Waiting for GoSun. Apparently, the sun does not come up over Tennessee until 7:37 in August—which I might have had a chance at […]

September 5, 2006